Aligning Your Values: A Clearer Path to What Really Matters
Have you ever sat down to define your personal values and found yourself feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or even frustrated? You’re not alone. Values are one of the most powerful forces shaping our behaviour, which is why so many self-help experts talk about them. But when it comes to identifying your own values, the process can feel confusing.
The truth is, many people misunderstand what values really are, or they go about the process in a way that sets them up to spin their wheels. If you’ve ever felt like you’re going in circles trying to pin down what matters most, this guide will help you discover how to clarify your values and create a strong values alignment strategy that actually works.
Why Defining Your Values Can Feel Hard
When people attempt to clarify their values, they often run into a few common traps:
Misunderstanding what a value is. Some people confuse values with goals, preferences, or even personality traits.
Going too big, too soon. They try to define big “life” values right away with questions like “What’s my ultimate purpose?” That can feel overwhelming.
Mixing value types. They compare apples and oranges by putting character values, behaviours, and outcomes on the same list, which causes confusion.
Any one of these mistakes can leave you feeling stuck. But the good news is that values don’t need to be hard work. In fact, thinking about your values can be energising and even enjoyable, because it’s really about exploring what matters most to you through values and purpose guidance.
The Missing Ingredient: Alignment
The real breakthrough comes when you stop treating values as isolated words on a page and start aligning your values.
Alignment means connecting your values to a greater purpose or to the outcomes you want to achieve. Without this step, your values can feel vague or incomplete. With it, they become a powerful driving force for who you are and how you live.
This deeper values alignment is where the Integrated Values Iceberg comes in. It’s a personal values framework I developed and introduced in my book Listening – A Guide to Building Deeper Connections.
The Integrated Values Iceberg
The Iceberg helps you bring all your values together in a structured, meaningful way. It asks you to consider five key levels:
Greater Purpose Values – Why do these values matter to you? What’s the deeper purpose that guides you in this specific aspect of your life?
Character Values – Who do you want to be? What qualities define you at your best?
Belief Values – What mindsets and beliefs will support you in becoming that person?
Behavioural Values – What behaviours do you need to prioritise to live those beliefs and character traits?
Outcome Values – What results or achievements will flow from living those behaviours consistently?
When you think through all of these layers, you create a values clarity process. Your values stop being abstract words and instead become a living framework for how you show up in the world.
An Example: Unpacking “Achievement”
Let’s make this practical.
One popular guru offers a list of 117 values to choose from, words like Achievement, Compassion, Kindness. It’s a good start, but here’s the challenge: words like “Achievement” mean very different things to different people.
For one person, Achievement might mean climbing the corporate ladder. For another, it could mean raising happy children. For someone else, it might mean mastering a musical instrument.
Using the Integrated Values Iceberg helps you go deeper:
Why does Achievement matter to you? (Greater Purpose)
Who do you need to be to live it? (Character)
What beliefs will support you? (Mindset)
What behaviours bring it to life? (Actions)
What outcomes define success for you personally?
By working through these steps essentially a “what are my values” exercise, you transform “Achievement” from a vague word into a deeply personal value that motivates and guides you. This is the foundation of deeper values alignment.
Living Your Values
When you align your values using the Integrated Values Iceberg, you create a strong, consistent force that shapes your choices and behaviours. Instead of being a list of good-sounding words, your values become a blueprint for living authentically and purposefully.
This is what living your values principles really means, connecting what you care about most to how you act every day.
So, the next time you sit down to think about your values, don’t just write down a few words and call it a day. Take the time to align them with your purpose, beliefs, behaviours, and outcomes. That’s when values stop being confusing and start becoming transformational.
Reflection Question
What value word (like “Achievement” or “Compassion”) has always felt a little vague to you—and what might it really mean when you unpack it through the Iceberg?
Related Resources
- 📖 Book: Listening – A Guide to Building Deeper Connections – available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook.
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