Why Great Listening Matters More Than You Think
We can’t be great listeners all the time, life is simply too busy, too noisy, and too demanding.
But we can be great listeners some of the time. And often, that’s exactly what the people we love need most.
The real question is:
Do you know how to be a better listener when it matters?
Do you know which moments require deeper, more mindful communication?
Can you recognise the subtle signs that someone is upset, worried, or carrying something heavier than they’re saying?
That’s where the R.E.O.S.T.A.R. process© a powerful listening framework comes in.
This simple, structured approach allows you to access the real issue beneath the conversation and support the people you care about with genuine understanding.
Welcome to the 7 steps to great listening.
The R.E.O.S.T.A.R. Process©: 7 Steps to Great Listening
Deep listening isn’t something we do all day, every day. It’s something we reserve for moments when someone is vulnerable, emotional, uncertain, or overwhelmed. And here’s the catch:
They will not tell you the real issue straight away.
They’ll test the waters first—with something small, unrelated, or superficial.
Following these seven steps helps you move gently through the conversation so you can reach the deeper issue that truly needs your attention.
1. Recognise the Opportunity
These moments are rare—which is why recognising them is the most important first step.
Look for:
Unusual or out-of-character behaviour
Hesitation
Signs of emotional discomfort
A shift in tone or energy
These subtle cues often signal there’s more beneath the surface.
This is the moment to shift into active listening skills and prepare for deeper connection.
2. Engage Fully
Once you see the opportunity, show them you’re genuinely present.
Turn to face them
Put down your phone
Close the laptop
Remove distractions
Soften your energy
Your non-verbal signals speak loudly.
This is the heart of mindful communication—demonstrating, through your behaviour, that they matter.
3. Open Up the Conversation
When someone is worried or nervous, they may not know how to begin.
Your role is to create space—not fill it.
Avoid:
Asking lots of questions
Giving advice
Telling stories
Jumping to solutions
Instead, try neutral prompts such as:
“Tell me more…”
“Go on…”
This is where true relationship listening skills shine.
4. Summarise (Reflective Listening)
This is the most powerful listening technique you can use.
Reflective summarising—sometimes called paraphrasing or “faithful translation”—is how you show them you truly understand.
Start with:
“So you’re saying…”
“What I’m hearing is…”
This single step builds trust, connection, and emotional safety faster than anything else.
It proves you’re not just hearing words—you’re understanding meaning.
This is the centerpiece of effective communication tips.
5. Transition
You’ll know this moment when you hear:
“What do you think I should do?”
That’s your invitation to gently move from listening into offering ideas or exploring options—but only after they feel heard.
6. Actions
Now you can discuss possibilities, next steps, or solutions.
But stay alert.
If they show:
Emotion
Frustration
Confusion
Resistance
…go straight back to Step 4.
Their reaction is a sign there’s still something deeper that needs to be understood first.
7. The Real-Issue Check
This is the moment everything has been building toward.
Ask gently:
“Is there anything else bothering you?”
Nearly always, the real issue will appear here—not at the beginning.
This is what building deeper connections is all about.
Why This Process Works
The R.E.O.S.T.A.R. process© isn’t about perfect communication.
It’s about intentional, emotionally intelligent listening that helps you reach the deeper issue with empathy and clarity.
You don’t need to get it right every time.
Just trying to apply these seven steps communicates that you care—and that alone transforms relationships.
This is the foundation of:
active listening skills
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mindful communication Australia
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And it’s the heart of effective communication.
Want to Go Deeper?
If you’d like the full explanation of the R.E.O.S.T.A.R. process©, you’ll find it in:
Final Reflection
Listening is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person.
So here’s your challenge for the week:
Choose one conversation and apply just one step from R.E.O.S.T.A.R.—
then notice what changes.
You’ll be amazed at how quickly deeper connection begins.
Want to Go Deeper?
Related Resources
- 📖 Book: Listening – A Guide to Building Deeper Connections – available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook.
🎯 Coaching: Book a personal session for personalised support.
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