Christmas is just around the corner.
If you haven’t already thought about what you’re giving your family, now might be the perfect time to pause and reflect not just on what you’ll buy, but on what you’ll bring into the moments you share.
If you’re a parent, sibling, partner, or close friend, ask yourself this simple question:
what do they really want from you?
Because while Christmas is often framed around presents, the most meaningful gifts don’t come wrapped in paper or bought from a shop.
The Gifts We Rarely Think About
For many people, the Christmas period is the one time of year when families slow down and spend extended time together.
That time can be joyful.
It can also be challenging.
And often, it’s both.
Which makes it a powerful opportunity to think differently about what you’re giving the people you care about.
Beyond food, gifts, and traditions, there are quieter offerings that matter deeply, attention, presence, patience, and understanding.
These are the gifts that shape relationships long after Christmas is over.
Why Understanding Matters More Than We Realise
In Listening – A Guide to Building Deeper Connections, I share a quote from Stephen R. Covey that captures this perfectly:
“The deepest hunger of a human heart is to be understood.”
In my experience, this is profoundly true.
We crave understanding so much that we naturally gravitate toward people and environments where we feel seen, heard, and accepted. When someone truly understands us, it’s like a surge of emotional relief, a sense that we’re not alone.
And the good news is this:
you don’t need special skills, training, or perfect words to offer that gift.
How to Demonstrate Understanding (Not Just Say It)
One of the most common mistakes people make is assuming that saying “I understand” is enough.
How often have you heard those words and immediately thought, “No you don’t”?
Understanding isn’t something you declare.
It’s something you demonstrate.
The most effective way to do that is through summarising, reflecting back, in your own words, what the other person is saying.
For example:
“So what you’re saying is…”
“It sounds like you’re feeling…”
“Let me check I’ve got this right…”
You don’t need to be perfect.
You don’t need to get every detail right.
In fact, when you try, people will often jump in to correct you, and that’s a good thing. It means they’re engaged, and it gives you another opportunity to listen and reflect.
Most people rarely experience this level of attention. When they do, it stands out.
A Gift That Changes Relationships
Giving someone the gift of understanding is one of the most powerful things you can do.
It strengthens trust.
It deepens connection.
It lowers defensiveness.
And sometimes, it quietly repairs things that words never could.
What’s the worst that can happen if you try this over the holidays?
You might summarise at a moment when someone didn’t need that depth of listening. No harm done. At the very least, they’ll notice that you’re making an effort to truly hear them.
And that effort matters.
So perhaps it’s time to update an old saying.
Instead of “’tis the season to be jolly,”
how about “’tis the season to be understanding”?
Conclusion
This Christmas, the most meaningful gift you can give your family isn’t something you buy, it’s how you show up.
With your attention.
With your presence.
With your willingness to understand.
Those are the gifts that last.
Over the next few weeks, choose one conversation where you intentionally practise summarising and reflecting back what the other person is saying.
Notice how they respond.
Notice how you feel.
You might be surprised by what changes.
Want to Go Deeper?
Related Resources
- 📖 Book: Listening – A Guide to Building Deeper Connections – available in paperback, eBook, and audiobook.
🎯 Coaching: Book a personal session for personalised support.
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